Our Family Phone Manifesto
Last updated: 19th August 2025
When our eldest starts Year 7, she will have her first phone. This hasn’t been an easy decision - we’ve thought about it a lot, gone back and forth, and talked it through as a family. In the end, we agreed that we would open the door to a phone to keep in touch with us. Part of this is about safety and responsibility, and part of it is about recognising the world she’s growing up in. We don’t want her to feel left out among friends, but at the same time we want to introduce a phone in a way that feels careful and intentional, not rushed.
We’ve chosen a second-hand iPhone SE with a cover that she will pick herself. We chose this because Apple is familiar to us as a family, it allows us to manage it responsibly, and, importantly, it means she won’t feel excluded among her friends. Alongside it, we’ll use an Apple AirTag in her school bag so we know she can get to and from places safely.
At first, the phone will be very simple: just calls and SMS text messages. We’ve chosen Asda’s Talk & Text SIM, which comes with no data, meaning the phone won’t have access to the mobile internet keeping things simple. At home, the phone can connect to Wi-Fi, but we’ll remove or restrict apps like Safari, the App Store, and social media. The only apps she’ll have are the essentials: Phone, Messages, Contacts, Camera, Clock, Find My, and maybe Notes or Calendar. Wallet and Apple Pay won’t be enabled.
Although she’ll only have calls and texts, we know that even SMS can lead to group chats, so part of this first stage / first year is helping her learn how to communicate kindly and set boundaries in those situations. What we’re avoiding for now and I think for a while to come is social media - including WhatsApp. We feel strongly that she should build her own sense of self before being exposed to the constant feedback loops of group chats, likes, and online opinions. Social media can wait.
Apps on the phone will be kept to the bare essentials: Phone, Messages, Contacts, Camera, Clock, Find My, and maybe Notes or Calendar for school organisation. Everything else will be removed or restricted - Safari, the App Store, Mail, Music, TV, Podcasts, News, Wallet/Apple Pay, Game Center, and of course all social media apps. This way, the phone is a tool for staying connected and organised, not a gateway to distractions or risks.
At school, the phone isn’t there to be part of the day. It will stay switched off in her bag, ready for emergencies but not for distraction. If she slips up and the phone is taken away, we’ll see it as a mistake the first time. If it happens again, we’ll pause together as a family to understand why - and if needed, the phone will step back until it can be used in the way it was intended.
When she visits other people’s homes, she will respect their rules. If a family has a no-phone policy, she’ll follow it. In our home, friends are welcome to bring phones, but they won’t be used behind closed doors or late into the night. Bedrooms will always be phone-free. At night, her phone will stay in another room, and there will be no use of it after 7pm. Evenings are for winding down and being present.
Alongside the phone, we’ll set up a shared family computer for homework and learning. It will be a place we can all use, not a device tucked away and owned by one person. That way, Amelie can begin to explore digital tools for school while still having guidance and support.
In this first year, she knows that we may check her phone and messages from time to time. Not because we don’t trust her, but because trust is something that’s earned and built by learning together. We’ll pay attention to how she communicates, how kindness comes across in a message, what it means to send or share a photo, and how every choice leaves a footprint. We’ll talk openly, and we’ll try and lead by example - though we know we’ll get things wrong sometimes too. As parents and role models, we’ve still got plenty to learn about living well with technology.
And that’s the point: this isn’t just about her phone. It’s about how our whole family chooses to live with technology. We won’t take our phones into bedrooms. We won’t let them creep into the evenings when we should be resting. We’ll put them aside during meals and moments that matter. We’ll remind ourselves that while phones are powerful tools, they are not the centre of our lives.
For her, this phone is more than just an object. It’s a step toward independence, a sign of trust, and an opportunity to learn healthy habits before bad ones take hold. For us, it’s a reminder that the world she’s growing up in is different from the one we knew, and it’s our job to guide her through it with care, consistency, and love.
This is our approach. Not perfect for sure, and we’re certain that in the first week we’ll run into something we hadn’t thought about. But it’s not fixed forever. It’s grounded in the belief that a phone should help a child grow - not take that childhood away. We believe children need to be taught how to use these things step by step, with guidance, patience, and space to learn, just like any other part of growing up.